Hi, guys. This is my best attempt at a Team Fortress 2 story. Gore and mild language warning. I hope you like it. Comment, please! It helps me more than just reading.

Chapter 1

There was night resting over the town of Teufort, New Mexico, with broken-down granary mills ringing the outskirts. It was in one of these granary mills that the entire RED team was assembled, circled around a broken-down poker table. Large, empty scrumpy bottles lay in the corners of the room, and a baseball bat lay against the wall.

Heavy shifted in his seat, causing it to creak and groan in woody agony. "So you say we will get new teammate?"

Spy turned slightly, the left side of his face in the light. His cigarette was pinched in two fingers and his mouth barely moved as he said, "Yes. We will."

Medic placed one arm on Heavy's massive shoulder, the other resting thoughtfully on his chin. "Vell, we should be very careful about... zis... new teammate." He flicked his hand in disgust, accidentally slapping Heavy across the face.

Soldier, unable to keep his trap shut for any longer, yelled, "They'd better not be a traitor, or else we will all spread their entrails from here to Kalamazoo, then refuse to hold their guts in!" For Soldier, this was the ultimate refusal of friendship.

The mercenaries considered this with varying levels of disturbance. Sniper, standing in the back of the room at the shadows, announced matter-of-factly "We'll 'ave to watch him closely, 'course. But I ain't too worried. They can't take down nine of us. Administrator wouldn't unbalance the teams."

Most of the team nodded, except Spy, Pyro and the drunken Demoman, leaning against the wall.

Engineer piped up from next to Heavy. "Well, I say, no buffalo, that we should just accept this new guy as a pal. He'll be less likely to become a traitor if we act like pals to 'im."

Spy hissed, "This man is a mercenary. Your pathetic social engineering skills won't work on him."

Scout, unusually quiet, said, "Well, who's gonna be waiting for him in the morning? That's when Miss Pauling said his plane would arrive."

There was much debate, and eventually, Pyro and Soldier were selected.

"Gentlemen, get your sleep," Spy announced. "We have a big day tomorrow."

"Hell's right we do," Sniper muttered bad-naturedly.

Chapter 2

The newcomer, dashing down the steps to his plane, was greeted by a rocket launcher in the face.

"I warn you, civilian, if you are a traitor, I will BLOW YOU TO KALAMAZOO!" Soldier screamed. He then retracted his rocket launcher and shook the newbie's hand.

He was a tall man, broad-shouldered, with a simple, kind face. A fishing vest, with multiple colored badges and hooks, clung to his frame, slightly bulging. Pockets adorned every last inch of it.

The stranger, meanwhile, followed Soldier inside. Pyro viewed his back as if it was a perfect sheath for a fire axe, but avoided striking... just yet.

Inside the base, the mercs were assembled in a loose semicircle. On the far left, Scout was jogging in place, his fists pumping up and down rhythmically. "So who we got 'eah!"

"I," the man announced, posturing rather dramatically, "am the Assistant."

Sniper snorted, causing the man to turn his way. "What's wrong, my dear friend? You appear to have a head cold."

Scout grimaced, grumbling "Some glamorous kid you are. Just a little guy, with no weapons or nuttin'!"

Assistant grinned in response to his new teammate's grimace. "Ah, but I have this." He pulled a health packet out of his breast pocket.

Heavy grunted. "Is health packet." He jostled the shoulder of Medic, nearly sending the smaller man flying, and whispered, not at all quietly, "I do not like new man. Is too small."

"But you picked it up," Spy said slowly. "You picked a health packet up. None of us can. But you, apparently, can. So that's your purpose?"

Assistant grinned, pleased to be recognized. "That's not all I can do. I can do ammo, metal, and even more." His eyes sparkled.

"Well, we best be gettin' ready for the battles today!" Demoman announced loudly. "They be startin' in a few minutes, aye!"

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